Lucky Girl

Still Day 2 (or 1.5, whichever)

I am doing well today!! I ate a full dinner at my parents' house and am dealing with it. I went over with the intention of not eating anything (I'd had about 1100 calories already throughout the day), but my mom plopped a delicious plate in front of me...of course I ate it. It was a "normal" sized plate and I did not eat too much--more than wanted to--but still not too much. It was difficult to just sit around and feel full afterwards, but I did not got nuts in the interim. VICTORY.

After dinner, I had a heart-to-heart with my Dad (my Mom too, but I had already disclosed the extent of my problem with her). This, I have come to realize is the single most important asset anyone struggling through bulimia can have--a solid support system. My Dad, while he may not be able to relate to the pressure I feel to be thin, does understand the stress and suffering I have been through (put myself through). Both my parents have witnessed my ups and downs, and my often inexplicable mood swings. They are always painfully aware something is wrong when I withdraw and refuse answer phone calls for several days. My Dad did tell me that neither he nor my mom had any idea my bulimia was present tense, or this severe. This is not surprising, as bulimia is performed in secret, which leads to a great deal of shame. Seriously, I am a size 4 who cares about staying in shape, how mortifying is it to face the fact I can down 3 super-sized meals and a box of ice cream bars in an hour, and do it over again 2 hours later---and still be a size 4??? Well, its not that simple, but regardless, this a disease that is steeped in loneliness and embarrassment. A completely candid discussion with my father removed a great deal of the stigma I feel towards my addiction. Getting past the disgrace is another step in the healing process. This is humbling, but a huge relief to not feel so isolated anymore. I'm a very lucky gal...