As it progresses, bulimia nervosa takes over a person's life. It compromises her body, uses up her time and money, limits her social contacts, and narrows her emotions to those that support the disorder itself.
At the same time, it is comforting in its predictability. Giving up the disorder means having to fill all the parts of life that the eating disorder has taken -- making choices about how to spend money (rather than having the choice made for her), rebuilding friendships, and finding ways to be productive with time.
How very true. Still Day 1, and a Saturday at that. Typically, on a summer weekend, I would be at the pool, going for a run or getting ready for a night out. Right now, however, I can't think about anything other than food. I have not eaten since brunch this morning. I don't feel hungry and I do not want to eat because I am feeling extremely large. This is not all in my head, I am bloated from weeks of binging/purging and I am about to get my period. Literally, I am heavier. It disgusts me, but I know if I eat something I may not stop. Which starts the whole business over again. So...what to do, what to do? I declined an offer to go drink margaritas with my brother and his friends---trully, I do not want to be seen in public. My clothes aren't fitting comfortably and I feel horribly un-cute. Right now I am miserable.
No comments:
Post a Comment