Still Here

Day 2

I made it. Well, kind of...I did purge up some food last night, but I did not binge. That is a huge step for me. I ate last night: 2 Hot Dogs and 2 Klondike Sandwiches--this is guilt food, and not allowed after my extravagent brunch!! My brain was screaming at me, so while throwing up food is VERY BAD, I should be proud of myself for not losing control and eating everything in site. The problem is that I felt like 2 Hot Dogs and 2 Klondikes was losing control, but I stopped there. Not exactly what I wanted, but I did okay. Again, getting through the first 48 is the worst part, and lately (last 6 months or so) I have had little success. So perhaps today is Day 1.5, and I will consider that a small victory. I slept most of the morning because a bulimic is always running on empty. ZERO energy. But I did sleep well, and today I honestly feel much better. I've had breakfast: 2 peaches and Lunch-ish: Rice cakes and Nacho Cheese Bugles (horrible for me I know, but I can only fill my head with so many rules today!). I've had plenty of water/propel and took all my vitamins. In a little while, I am going running. This I have avoided like the plague in the last 3 weeks (unusual for me), mostly because it is summertime in NC, and the weather has been stifling. Moreover, I am out of shape and will have to build my stamina back up. I can tell you, all eating disorders aside, this is no easy task. Like most anything else worth doing, it takes HARD WORK, and I have not been in the mood (read: I have barely been able to stand up much less run) for any kind of strenuous activity.

My fall marathon training begins July 1st. So today, I best get my rear in gear. I have made a commitment to myself to do the Raleigh marathon in November, but my number 1 priority is beating bulimia. So...we'll just see how it goes.